Public Access
When I was a kid growing up in South Jersey, I remember finding a public access TV station that would play some of the most bizarre material in the world. One that has stayed with me to this day was a parody of “Teddy Bears’ Picnic”, entitled “Teddy Bears’ Rallies”. In fact, I still remember every word and the incredibly weird marching stuffed animals that went along with it. Amazingly, Google turns up nothing on this, so it must have disappeared completely into the ether.
So to try to prevent the loss of this amusing silliness, I’m going to retype the words here, from memory, circa 1992.
If you go into the woods today,
you’re sure of a big surprise.
If you go into the woods today,
you will not believe your eyes.For everywhere you’ll see Teddy Bears
all drawn up into orderly squares
‘Cause that’s the way the Teddy Bears have their rallies.We learn unquestioning discipline,
and how to use M16s.
Our sergeants drill us until we are
robotic killing machines.Amongst the brooks where nobody looks,
We burn the piles of forbidden books!
‘Cause that’s the way we Teddy Bears have our rallies!
Then it broke into a different tune altogether but still Teddy Bear themed, and I cannot recall the name of the original song it was parodying. But the gist of it was that the teddies were climbing into your bedroom in your sleep and slicing your throat open.
It was all wondrously disturbing and I’d love to meet whoever came up with all of it!
